I'M STILL HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am having another bad time.

For over a week, I've been tired, off food, off colour and just plain arsey. It must be the rogue white blood cells playing up again. I've come to this conclusion now as I'm back on the original BP medication dosage and not as woozy as before. I have managed to bring forward the bone marrow test after two constructive phone calls to the Heamatologist's secretary. I could detect much sympathy in her voice. Perhaps she knows something that I don't. Anyway, I shall know by the end of July if I have a malignant lurgy or not.

I have lost my desire to follow Wimbledon. The game, although technically proficient, has lost its "you can't be serious" moments. Even the girls have resorted to wearing shorts under their skirts - no more "frillies". The umpires seem to be representative of the PC European Union (or Dis-Union, as I see it) and the good ole English speak is now a past memory. Even the retired stars of yesteryear now grace the commentary microphone with incessant dribble, harping on about "their day" in that god-forsaken Yankee twang. Why don't they just hang up their whites and stay at home??

G8 and Gandolf absorb all the news and TV. How much more can we all take?? I just wish we would put the same effort into our glorious planet's preservation. Keeping an extra 50k people alive each day will only add to the demise of our resources. If there is a supreme force overseeing our fates, "it" needs to step up human destruction to halt the decimation of the planet. Otherwise, what's the point of it all? In any case, the cast of the G8 is deficient of the very star that the play is all about, isn't it?? What a perfect moment to bill Magabe - ok, you'll have to re-title the show " G9".

I'm wrestling with my conscience again. Three years on from the failed business and a near miss bankruptcy, I am still unable to come with terms with my fate. I seem to fill in my time doing fuck all. I can sit in the garden for 2 hours just staring at whatever I choose to stare at. I fiddle & fart around. A bit of Su Doku here, crossword there, model making, ebaying, blogging, moaning an awlful lot about my sickly health, an inordinate amount of time spent with doctors and consultants, so on and so forth. Nothing useful, nothing worthwhile, nothing constructive. No more no intelligent speak, no human mixing and camaraderie, no decision making, no responsibility or accountability - just plain boring time wasting. And, no money for indulgences. It's just not happening in the way that I had it in my mind nor planned for a so-called retired existence.
Can anyone recommend a good COUNSELLOR???

B Liar is schmoozing again; this time the Olympic Committee meeting for the final time to announce their decision. In Singapore, of all places. I wonder if Sir Alan ("you're fired") would employ Blair?? I like Sir Alan, alot.

Later.......................................